hmm...

i'm missing someone terribly...
maybe i shouldn't...
maybe i should....
maybe i have no right no miss the person....
maybe it's my birth right...
who knows really?
i want to scream out to this person...
tell the person everything that's on the tip of my tongue...
but i'm too afraid...
too afraid to not be heard...
i'm tired...
i want to move on...
but it's so hard to walk away...
everytime i try...
i somehow walk back to the person...
and all i thought we shared....
it's stupid...
isn't it?
no...
you know what?
it's not...
why do you this to me?
why do i let you?
i'm rising above...
or at least i'm trying to...
i hate you....
(that's a lie)
i can't hate you..

i don't know what i'm doing with you anymore...
maybe i never did...
i just liked knowing you were there...
maybe that's the biggest mistake i've ever made...
maybe it's the best...

screw it....
this is sounding like a love poem or something...
totally not...
maybe that's my problem...
i can't help associating our friendship..... with love...
maybe that's why this has to happen...
maybe this is really all there is...
maybe...

talk about stress...

i am it's core definition...

live like its the last moon rising.

well, i don't regularly update this blog cause i have another. but it's not like anyone reads this anyway, but what the hell?

so, yea, i'm enjoying the hols right now. a couple more days left till i head back to school. i'm soooo looking 'forward' to it... :)

whatever.

there's this phrase that has been spinning in my mind lately: they hurt me like a disease that I've overcome, and am now immune to... only that's a lie. if i'm immune to it i would even talk about it now would i?

honestly, i've got nothing in particular to write or talk about now. i'm just babbling.... so if wanna read this, go right ahead...

people say i'm too blunt. they tell me i should tell them exactly what's wrong with them, cause they're not ready. it's strikes me odd that manage to look and immediately size the person up and tell what their damn problem is when i find it impossible to do it myself.

it's odd.

the title of this post... it's one of the things i like to remind myself of when i wake up along with saying, it's a beautiful day. and this day going to be absolutely perfect.

people however, should know this abut me: when i say the day has been absolutely perfect or peachy, it means i 'm totally lying. if i really was a great day, i'd give a better answer. its funny how even the people whom i live with can't see through me.

i do the best i can to live every day like it's the lat day i'll ever live. that way, i don' regret anything. i think a lot, especially at nights cause i find it hard to sleep and it's then that all my thoughts come together and create a mental tornado. 2/3 times,, the people closest to have to bear the brunt of my paranoia. (i so totally apologize!!!)

well, this has been quite pointless but in a weird way, it's been relaxing.
to whoever reads this,
Take care, and all the best.
Au Revoir.