I was on my way to work at around 7.30am on June 26th when I heard Hitz.fm announce that Michael had suffered a cardiac arrest and had passed away; I immediately got goose bumps. I couldn't wait to get off work and rush home to watch CNN. My mom kept texting me to tell me the latest news.
Through the entire weekend, my eyes were glued to the TV set but instead of watching MTV or Star World, I was watching BBC and CNN just flicking for news on Michael. Never have i watched that much news. I even learnt the names of the reporters.
I slept late almost every night for the next week just watching absolutely anything that had to do with Michael. Of course within the next 36 hours after his passing MTV and other entertainment channels had adjusted their programs to everything the had related to him.
I watched his videos over and over and over again - I never got bored. I learnt (discovered) so much about this man who was so misunderstood. I actually came to really love this stranger. I never knew him when he was alive - it's my loss.
He was such an incredibly talented, misunderstood person. The media completely took advantage of his flaws and destroyed him. We're all flawed. Like all human beings, he tried valiantly to hide his flaws. Human nature. Not unlike most people, he probably missed the memo that people need to be loved for our flaws, not in spite of them. Only when people know your good points and bad can they love you truly and sincerely (and save you from yourself). Imagine being brought up under the spotlight and having every single aspect of your life splashed everywhere possible for the whole (equally if not more flawed) world to scrutinize and judge.
I believe that Michael was innocent. People manipulated him and for that, I think they should not be forgives. In a way, we are all the cause of his demise. Maybe we were puzzled by the love he offered as it was simple and asked for almost nothing in return except to be reflected. I think we've become so accustomed to complex things that we failed to understand something as simple as unconditional love that asked for very little in return.
I think it's in our wiring, as human beings, to take pleasure in the heartache of others. It is a flaw. It is nothing to be proud of. Having the ability to hurt another person, be it physically, emotionally or mentally, is not the best talent or gift to have. No point bothering to 'perfect' it.
Michael was hurt by everyone, except children, which is why - I believe - he loved them. He was so so hurt by his father, and everyone around him who deprived him or suppressed him but being as divine as he was, he couldn't bring himself to hurt others. Perhaps he understood the domino affect of pain, hurt and suffering and he didn't want to be a part of it in any way. So, he became self-destructive, in a way. He pushed himself way beyond the normal human limit and in the end, his body couldn't keep up with him.
I like to believe he was an angel god sent to Earth to bless and we abused the gift just because it wasn't wrapped the way we expect gifts to be wrapped. We were weirded out by his wrapping and decided it was awkward and just not 'normal' (what does normal even mean anyway?). We torn the wrapping a little too roughly and ended up damaging the gift.
Maybe it's our human inability to accept such gifts as Michael Jackson. Or maybe it's jealousy and envy that blinded us so ridiculously. It's odd though how we manage to push all extraordinary people away while they're alive but hail them after they pass on.
Today is two weeks since Michael's passing. I still hear his songs in my mind. I only began listening to his songs when he passed and now i can't get them out of my head. It's amazing how just his death has had such an impact on me. Even in his death, he has touched me.
He offered love. True, unconditional love. And he offered it to anyone. I think it broke his heart that not everyone embraced it and that some people distorted it and through it back on his face.
It's a little odd, I'll admit, but I feel loved by him. I don't think there's ever going to be a day when I don't think about him or miss him. True, I never really knew this beautiful gift until he went back to the Creator, but somehow, he has touched me through his life and songs.
In just a matter of hours after his tragic passing, he taught me and forced me to realize things I never even imagined before. He did it all through his songs and his pure goodness in the way he tried to live his life. He made me laugh, cry, giggle and think. I think I learnt more - in terms of living peacefully with everyone and giving without expecting anything in return - in those few days after his passing than I ever could if I spent 20 years of my life doing research on those topics.
It's hard to explain and I don't think I'll ever understand - and I'm actually okay with that. It is quite odd how someone so misunderstood somehow made me feel a little more loved and a little more human through his life.
I don't regret many things. I don't think I've ever regretted anything, really. At least I didn't until I learnt things about this beautiful man and how he just wanted to love and be loved in return. I regret not knowing him when he was still alive. I regret never knowing him so that I could appreciate him while he was still here with us, gracing us with his talents.
We're all people. The world is made up of the rich and famous, the poor and ignored. It takes every kind possible to make this world. We really should learn to appreciate everyone - flaws and all. What's the point in loving and appreciating them after they're gone?
He was a king, a superstar, an extraordinary entertainer, a dancer, a father, a director, a creator, a writer, and a perfectionist among other things. With all those dominating things, I think we forgot to remember that more than anything, Michael Jackson was human.
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